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29 Aug 2015

Single vs Non-Single

 An old friend contacted me last night via Wechat.
Just for a catch-up kind of convo.
We were just updating each others’ stories until at one point he asked me.
“You got yourself a boyfriend now?”
I denied. Well, that’s the truth.
It was odd for someone who’s already in a relationship asking me such question.
He replied:
“It’s not healthy to stay single for a long time, you know?”
I got a bit worked up when he said that. Just as I was about to shoot him back, he sent another message:

“Don’t be like me. Stuck.”

That immediately put a huge question exclamation slash question mark above my head.
Stuck? What did he mean by STUCK?

I let him take the wheel that moment. He shared about him having trouble with his girlfriend. Telling me that he can’t stand his other half being “kiasu”, not letting him win at least once.

“But I thought that’s normal for any couple, right?”
“It’s just that I think she’s being too much. My ex-was like that too. I don’t know why most of the women that I got hooked up with are basically the same! Girls are all the same, you know!”

“Errrr...bro, do not forget. I AM A GIRL too! Question from me; why don’t you guys take a break in between. Give yourself some space to figure things out. And why do you keep ending up with the same type of women?"

Here comes Fiona the psychoanalyst. Demmit!

Again I let him do the talking. My replies for the next half an hour were NOs, YUPs, OKs and OHs.

And he summed up, he’s always UNLUCKY.

“Hey. If you think you’re the only one being the unfortunate one in this world, think again. Think of the rest billions of people out there. Everyone goes thru crappy moments in life. Even a jovial kid can be pretty grumpy when his ice-cream falls out of the cone! Blaming on your relationship won’t work much, bro.”

“But I have done so much for her! She’s still not happy. I have threatened to leave her if she continues behaving that way towards me! But she said she can’t stay without me."

“You. Got. A. Problem.”

“What’s that?”

“You are giving in. Too much. Let her taste her own medicine once in a while lah!”

“I don’t have the heart la sis...”
Now it’s my turn to shoot back.
(Smirk. Evil grin.)

“You think that’s HEALTHY for you?”

Silence. For at least ten minutes.

I was about to carry on with my sketching practice when my phone beeped.
As expected. Hah!

“I am unlucky. Very unlucky.”

“So, do you still want to be the UNLUCKY one? Like forever?”

“Of course, NO!”

“Tell you what. Let’s not make simple things more complicated, alright? You may blurt NONSENSE right to my face. But I don’t care! I used to think I am unlucky too. But those who’ve stayed with me through thick and thin, they put their faith in me, telling me I’m a fighter and I’m a strong person (flatter myself a little, c’mon lah). Knowing that I am strong, I got to find ways to at least make me appreciate a little goodness left in me. I am sure you can do it too, bro.”


“Bro, there’s no specific manual, bro. I know there are self-help books and websites out there, but not 100 percent accurate or applicable to every person’s needs! It depends on yourself to discover what you need. People can be cheerleaders for you but you are your own engine. Like cancer cell, we all have that one thing called willpower, but I try not to make it so “pakar motivasi punya janji” lah OK. That power you have in you, you decide yourself whether to activate it or not!”

“Eshh...Malas lah!”

“See what I mean?”


“You said MALAS. You decide it bro.”

Silence round TWO.

As I was about to put down my phone, another message came in again.

“Sis. A guy can easily nuts over you!”

That LOL moment but of course I had to let out a silent LOL. It’s almost midnight.

“OK la tu. He goes nuts kah, bananas kah, durians kah, I don’t really care. As long as he does not make my life a living hell.”

“Hope you’ll find the right one soon sis. We aren’t getting any younger now.”

Amboih, mak neneknya kau ni.

“Bro, there’s an Arabic saying. Kun fayakun. It will happen when it will. I just let things fall into places on their own timing. Don’t worry about me. There’s so much things more than just getting a life partner, bro. I may end single all my life but I tend to worry less. The journey ahead is still a mystery. Speaking of getting older, we are not Benjamin Button. But it does not mean we need to kill the inner child we’ve had all these years. That little kid inside is the reason to make a person feels happy and alive despite the age changes.”

Probably that silenced him off after he called it a night in the last text message.

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