It's been 3 years since I got home for good. Recalling the time I returned to Miri, I was pretty much a mess myself.
Yes, three years have passed. How time flies.
And so many things happened within that three years.
I must consider myself as a lucky person too, to be honest.
Nevertheless, I do feel that I am standing at that particular crossroad.
Like I used to many moons ago.
I have a permanent job and I get to do things I love most, sketching.
I am thankful many people have seen my works and glad most of them fancy them.
Again, I do feel I am standing at that crossroad.
Should I make another leap of faith?
Should I opt another roller-coaster ride?
Should I embark another adventure?
Frankly speaking, I m beginning to feel bored with the life I have now. And this is dangerous.
Very dangerous because it can hurt me and those around me.
I am unsure which path to take this time.
I am no longer young, well physically that is.
The child in me seems to be restless more than ever.
I fail to understand her ridiculous needs this time.
That child is becoming more of a rebel lately.
She keeps telling me to break the rocks ahead of us.
I am tired of telling that child to calm down.
I am standing at this crossroad now, figuring which path to choose this time. I envy those who keeps on moving to various phases in life. Really, I am envious of such fortunate people. My lips are tightly sealed, hoping I won't simply shoot unnecessary verbal missiles. But I cannot stop my mind and heart from screaming vulgarities especially if my buttons are pushed.
This is pretty daunting and exhausting at the same time.
There are loads of people that I need to please. I am weary being the crowd/people pleaser, every single time. I guess that's why the inner child keeps knocking my head to open my eyes to all these.
Here I am...standing at the crossroad again.
11 Jul 2015
Nowadays, I get irritated so quickly and I tell you, this is not good for my heart. In fact, for everyone's hearts! Unsure whether it's triggered by age factor or, just my trait. I mean I have tracked down a bunch of hot-tempered heads in my family. I don't know...it seems that I just cannot deal with all sorts of ignorance. I do miss being innocently stupid. But still I am not an overtly a smart person. Only smart in certain matters, to be precise.
You know, deep down inside, I am beginning to regret being an adult. How I wish I could stay as a young kid. I didn't have to deal with complicated matters like most grown-ups have to face with. I didn't have to go through heartbreaks, ridiculous commitments or relationships, you name them!
I wish to go back when the younger ME selfishly made a wish to be a grown-up as soon as possible. I wish to return to that moment so that I could slap the crap out of the kiddo me and tell her to stop dreaming to become an adult.
As I am writing this blog, MLTR's hit number Sleeping Child miraculously appears in one corner of my mind and keeps on playing the chorus part:
Oh my sleeping child the world’s so wild
But you’ve built your own paradise
That’s one reason why
I’ll cover you, sleeping child
The world is indeed a wild place. So wild that only the strong ones are able to stand tall and survive. I believe now that we are living in the age where innocence can be mistaken for so many things. The world today is full of confused messages. Love does not seem to appear like it is supposed to be. Lust and gluttony and greed try to take control over the lives of people everywhere. The survival game has become too notorious, unbeknownst to many idyllic minds.
2 Jul 2015
Mak kau hijau! Mak kau hijau! Mak kau hijau!
Here and there Malaysian netizens are having
cursing calling respective mothers GREEN.
I did watch that one video that went viral overnight.
But I just can't seem to brain why did the little boy keep on taunting at his humongous bully "Mak kau hijau (your mother is green!)!
Was he trying to compare the bully's mother to the famous Marvel comic character Hulk?
Was he trying to say that the other boy's mummy was a salad aficionado?
Was he trying to say that the other boy's mother was born with green complexion?
Until now I fail to find the real answer to this viral catchphrase.
So only the mothers get to be green?
Bapak kau merah jambu.
Nenek kau kuning.
Abang kau kelabu tahi itik.
Kakak kau takde warna langsung.
Whatever it is, it doesn't matter what colour you are. You just got to be confident.
(What in the world...?)